dream IT
The past couple of years sure have been difficult.
While suffering through extreme work burnout, the question of what would make me happy was given to me as a challenge. I was to identify those tasks I do that bring me joy or makes me feel fulfilled. I had to figure out what it is I wanted out of life. I had to make a vision board. Yes, I had too.
Example of a vision board.
We get one life and I was going through the motions and mostly doing things that other people wanted me to do. To the point that I almost couldn’t remember what I liked or what made me happy and content. Life happened to me and I felt the same emotions that a cog in the wheel would. Nothing.
I struggled for a while with that one. I would continuously ask myself what would make me happy. During every event I would check to see if I was happy, content, or wanted to be there. It started to feel as if the self-reflecting was making me depressed because every answer was no. Or, not really. Or, it’s fine. Everything felt flat. I didn’t feel that I had a specific purpose or reason for being. I was tired of asking myself what would make me happy.
Not that simple.
So I stopped.
I was burned out trying to get out of depression and I was too depressed to get past my burnout so I just stopped.
I stopped trying to get out of my depression. Stopped trying to better my work situation. I went on automatic mode and just slogged through. I gave my mind a rest from all of it.
And then something happened.
I was able to hear.
I was able to listen to myself when those things happened that did uplift me. I was so busy questioning myself before that it drowned out any response that I might have given.
But once I stopped. Once I stayed still with myself. I heard the wind in the trees as storms approach. I saw birds soaring the thermals without a care, just enjoying the day. I listened to the call and counter-call of all the animals that live around me. In those moments I realized I felt calm. I felt content. It settled all the other clutter that complicated my days. I felt alive. I could do things again.
To the woods i go
My vision board holds pictures, images, and phrases that remind me where I want to go. When they say close your eyes and go to your happy place, to the woods I go. So that’s where my home should be.
For some people it’s the ocean and the beach. For others it’s glitzy settings. For me, it’s the trees, the birds, the rustle of animals, and I want as much of it around me as I can yet still have good internet.
Once I was able to eliminate the constant seeking and questioning of myself, I have been able to identify other things that make me happy. I can bullet point out the aspects of my life that when I do them, make me feel fulfilled.
I can also now see the things that make me miserable or are the result of someone else’s vision for my life. Those things moving forward, I can work on replacing with something else that will bring me joy.
I’m not looking to enlighten anyone.
I’m just one person working really hard at creating and living a fulfilling life according to my dreams. I will build it into reality. One step at a time.
